I woke today

I woke today and long I lay with my hands covering my face,

For they hid the tears which streaked down my cheeks,

The fears that morning light didn’t banish

At last I rose, but oh what a way start out a bright sunny day

With tears of fear of anger and that which was near suddenly being ripped away

I tried to break the spell of tears,

to wash away the gloomy leer that seemed haunt and surround me,

but the tears held on and did not break,

for though they ceased to flow outside,

my heart ran cold and icy inside

and all was not all right.

What causes fears that plague the night?

What causes nighttime dread?

I cannot shake the restless sleep,

the drowsiness that hangs o’r my head,

for though I’m waking, I’m still asleep,

and though I’m smiling, the tears are inside.

So what is real? What’s right, what’s here?

The outside or the inside there?

The sun is shining out my window.

Why do I see clouds?

When birds sing do I hear thunder

and when sunlight catches in the shades,

do I see lightning streaking bright with and hear the wind whistle?

The walls are four around me here.

I’ve counted them many a time.

And no matter how many times I could them again,

the number will always be four.

Four, an empty number it would seem, for within these walls,

they are full, there lies an empty heart.

Sometimes its full with joy and smiles but today there’s only pain.